When ADULTS LIE and blame it on the kids! (Long, but worth the read, IMHO!) UPDATE at BOTTOM

Originally I wanted to just keep this blog about what Tori and I were doing as "extras" in local productions, however, something happened this past few weeks that I think is important to discuss.

I guess I have always had an issue with authority when it is being abused and, for some reason, those who have authority tend to let it go to their heads (you've probably heard the quote, "Power corrupts" which has been amended to "Absolute power corrupts absolutely). Consequently, I have taught my girls to QUESTION EVERYTHING because blind obedience can set you up for abuse. I know this first hand.

Many public schools do not allow cell phones on campus, citing lame 'security' reasons, but I have INSISTED that Tori carry hers at all times. It's my "single mom" way of keeping track of her. I'm glad she had it with her the other day. We are basically required by law to send our precious children to these public schools. With that, we feel SOME sense of security in thinking that those who have been hired to "protect" our children, will do just that. I'm mainly speaking of school administration, here.

Tori called me crying one Friday afternoon a few weeks ago. She was holed up in the girl's bathroom, scared and shaking. She said the PRINCIPAL had come up to her (and her group of friends) as they were standing by the door in the lunchroom and said, "Conversation's OVER. GET TO CLASS!" They were NOT LATE ... the first bell had just rung ... and Tori has NEVER been tardy. Those of you who know Tori, know her sense of humor. Her response was, "No it isn't, my friend is still telling me a story!" They turned to walk away, and the principal grabbed the hood of her coat and yanked her back, sternly telling her, "GO TO MY OFFICE!" Tori was quite taken aback and responded, "Why?" He repeated, MORE sternly, "GO TO MY OFFICE, NOW!" He turned to walk away and she ran up the stairs to the bathroom ... which is where she was when she called me.

I told her NOT to go to his office (he has harrassed her ...and others... in the past for MINOR, MINOR things, and this was just the last straw). I told her to go to her last class, and if they called her to come to the office, she was to call me and I would meet her there. She went to her class, visibly shaken, and the teacher asked her what was wrong. She told him ... and he was sympathetic. Five minutes before the bell rang, he asked Tori if she wanted to leave early so as to get on her bus before seeing Mr. Principal. Of COURSE she did!

The more I thought about him grabbing her, the angrier I became. His harrassment started about 1 1/2 years ago and I had already had words with the District, who confirmed that he had "overreacted" and would be talked to. Their excuse? "He's new at being a principal!" I said, "Well, he isn't new at being a HUMAN BEING and this is just lack of common sense and good judgment." I was hoping we had nipped it in the bud, but things kept happening. SO ... when Tori arrived home on the bus that afternoon, I said, "C'mon ... we're going over to have a face-to-face chat with Mr. Principal (Mr. P from here on out). She started to cry and shake and did NOT want to be around him. I made her come with me so if he told me a different story, Tori could be there to defend herself and I wouldn't be stuck with hearsay.

When we were asked into Mr. P's office, I said, "I was just wondering if you could share with me what happened with my daughter today." He KNEW who she was and what had transpired and he went on with his story, basically sugar-coating everything EXCEPT making Tori out to be "defiant!" I asked him to explain how she was "defiant" and he said, "She QUESTIONED me!" I told him I taught my girls to question everything and if he sees that as "defiant", the problem is with him. I said, "So, at no time during all of this, did you ever pull my daughter by the hood of her coat?" His IMMEDIATE response, "Oh, I would NEVER do that to a student." I said, "You're a liar, and I want you to apologize to my daughter right now!" He said, "I had a talk with Tori after school and let her know she was going to have lunch duty on Monday and that if this EVER happened again, she would be suspended." Tori was dumbfounded as he said this, and I could tell he was trying to intimidate her ... and get me to side with him. Tori said, "Are you freaking KIDDING ME?" Tori insisted this conversation never took place. Again, I told Mr. P. that he was a liar and I wanted an apology to Tori. He responded with, "The only thing I will apologize for is that this is her perception of what happened." I said, "That's a COP OUT and I can tell we aren't going to get anywhere with this, so we're done!" Tori and I left the office and headed home. Plan "B" was to go over Mr. P's head to the District, AND to the police.

On the way home, I decided to stop at the home of one of the boys (J) who was with her when this happened (there were 4 kids in all, but he is the only one who saw it happen because the others had already turned their backs to walk away). I asked him his version of what went down, and he told me everything Tori had said. I said, "So, Mr. P. DID pull her by her coat hood." He said, "YES!" I said, "Did you know he is denying it?" J said, "NO WAY! I SAW him DO IT!" I asked him to write a statement and he said he would. I asked him if Tori was disrespectful in ANY way. He said, "No, she was totally like laughing and joking about it."

Enter the police department. The investigating officer (who was a sergeant and claimed 20 years experience) never even spoke with me or Tori in person. As a matter of fact, he never spoke to Tori at ALL! I also found out the assistant principal was given the task of "interviewing" witnesses, and that he also esssentially lied in his report as to what they said. After the fact, the kids who were interviewed shared with me that were told NOT to tell me or Tori about the interviews. The sergeant never spoke with J in person, either. He asked for "written statements" then sent one of his "flunkies" to pick it up. When I would call to see what was happening, I would get comments like, "Are you SURE it isn't your DAUGHTER who is lying?" and ..."Well, you know how girls can be drama queens!" I said, "Well, if you are so jaded by your 20 years, perhaps you should get someone on this case who doesn't already have their mind made up." I went over his head to the CAPTAIN, and received pretty much the same condescending treatment. The following Monday morning, I was told by Sergeant S that he had interviewed Mr. P. and Mr. P. had "volunteered" that there were surveillance cameras all over the school. Oh REALLY? Why wasn't this mentioned on Friday? Oh, I know ... so he could have the weekend to check them out and make sure there was nothing to see! The sergeant actually told Mr. P. to take a look through them and let him know if he found anything! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Since WHEN does the accused get to sift through the EVIDENCE that would damn him?? In the meantime, the district (D) is conducting their OWN investigation (and might I add, doing a MUCH MORE THOROUGH job than the police department). I was told by D that I could look at the tapes, also.

I showed up at the school on Tuesday and told them I was there to view the tapes. One of the assistant principals was there and said, "Oh, we've already looked at them and there is NOTHING on there." I said, "That's great! But I'd like to verify it for myself." They told me they were busy. I told them I would be having lunch with my daughter and that they could have them ready for me by the time lunch was over. They told me I couldn't have lunch with my daughter. (I had been there with her the day before because she was afraid to be alone...and I wanted that school to know that there ARE parents who care!). I immediately got on the phone with D (who immediately contacted the school) ... and was shortly told by the assist. P that I COULD have lunch with my daughter, and the tapes would be ready for me to view right after lunch.

I took Tori with me in to view the tapes. They proceeded to show us the tapes of the lunchroom during the "incident in question." They were right. There was nothing. How coincidental. SO, gosh darn ... no way to verify! Thanks for coming! I said ... "No, I'm not really interested in the lunch hour." What they DID NOT KNOW was that the D had told me that Mr. P insisted he had the "discipline" convo with Tori after school as they walked through the cafeteria. SO, I asked them to "que it up" to that time. Of course, they were telling me how there was this big crowd of people, etc. I said, "Well, why don't you put it FIVE MINUTES PRIOR to the bell ringing." They did. And guess what ... there's Tori ... walking through the entire cafeteria .... ALONE!!!!! Tori literally broke down and fell into me saying, "SEE MOM?! I TOLD YOU I WASN'T LYING!" (I know she said that for the benefit of the assist. P because I never doubted her). I told them I wanted that burned to a CD for me, and I wasn't leaving until I got it. I told them I also wanted to view the cameras in the hallways leading to the cafeteria (because I KNEW once Mr. P heard about the cafeteria he would spin the story a different direction). They started to back pedal and asked me to go out and sit on the couch. They left a still shot up, so Tori (always thinking) took both our cell phones and snapped a picture of it.

I waited on that couch for over an hour. Eventually the assistant P shows up ... with a police officer (PO) ... and asks me to come in the office with them. I obliged. They proceeded to tell me that I could not have a copy of the video, and that I could no longer view any of the other cameras. They told me they were consulting with District Legal and the "investigating" officer. I said, "Fine ...no problem." (knowing that Tori had snapped the perfect picture!). The next day, I got a call from the PO who told me that legal had cleared me to get a copy of the video, along with the views from the other cameras. Low and behold, they showed Tori walking through that ENTIRE SCHOOL, every hallway ... ALONE ... NO principal in sight. (P.S. How scary is THAT? You'd be amazed at what they can see on these surveillance cameras ... right up to the writing on your books or backpack ...so Orwellian).

The D called me and told me that, through their investigation, they had concluded Mr. P DID pull Tori by the hood, which should never have happened. They also concluded that "all the facts had not been forthcoming from Mr. P." I said, "Don't sugarcoat it. The SOB LIED and made MY child out to be the criminal!" They, by law, could not tell me if any discipline would take place. It BETTER be on his record, and if I EVER hear his name mentioned in conjunction with ANY form of abuse, you can darn well bet I will be there to put in my 2 cents worth. In the meantime, I got a call from the police department. They, of course, found that he DID pull my daughter by her hood, but the City Attorney couldn't find any "law against that!" (Oh REALLY? I got a 'disorderly conduct' citation for calling a GROWN WOMAN a name (whole 'nuther story) ... and there is NOTHING that can be done about an ADULT in a STEWARDSHIP POSITION who grabs a child?) Unbelievable. Basically, like most PO's I know ... he was a jerk about it. To the credit of the district, I was never ONCE disrespected, and their main concern was my daughter's safety and feeling comfortable at school. Also, KUDOS to her teacher. Had he NOT let her out early, we would have had no way of PROVING she was completely alone and that the "discipline" talk never took place, thus shooting Mr. P's story (and credibility) full of holes. (I already called him and thanked him, personally).

SO ... because this all concluded the Friday before Spring Break, we have not heard anything. But I am supposed to be getting a call from Mr. P on Monday (or thereabouts) setting up a meeting to "apologize" to Tori. I'll let you know how it goes.

The moral to this story: ... ADULTS do NOT always tell the truth. If you know your child like I know my child (and those who DO know us say we have an unusual bond), STAND UP FOR THEM! Too many in positions of authority abuse it (and I am talking on EVERY level, here). Because Tori has always been truthful with me (and knows the consequences if she isn't!), I had NO DOUBT in my mind she was telling me everything.

The IRONY to this story: ... sometimes the video surveillance system you install to SPY on the kids ... comes back to bite you in your own butt!

Public schools need to understand that just because my daughter is required to be there does NOT MEAN I have relinquished ANY of my parental authority to them. They have been told, in no uncertain terms, that my daughter is NEVER to be alone in an office with ANY of them and they are to CALL ME if there are any issues with Tori ... and we will BOTH be present. I urge ALL PARENTS to do the same. In sharing this incident with other students at the school, I heard MANY stories of 'abuse of power' that the PARENTS seem to be okay with, WRONGLY assuming that the one in authority is telling the truth! One of the students said it perfectly: "I wish you were MY MOM! She ALWAYS sides with the principal." These children feel trapped and feel like they have NO VOICE! Parents, START BELIEVING MORE IN YOUR CHILDREN and less in the "powers that be!"

UPDATE: 4/24/08 Okay, so I get a phone call today from the "P". Basically it was "I just wanted to apologize for the way I handled things" bla bla bla. Ummm ... sorry ... that isn't gonna cut it. Again, it was SKIRTING the issue ... that he PULLED my daughter by the hood, and then he LIED! I want to hear, "I am sorry for pulling you by the hood, and for lying to cover my a$$, and making YOU out to be the liar." He told me he had learned some lessons and I said, "Well, what were they?" He said, "Well, I should have handled the whole situation in my office differently." I'm thinking ... HELLLLLLOOOO????? You SHOULDN'T have PULLED HER by the hood! So, I told him I wanted an "IN PERSON ... FACE-TO-FACE" apology to Tori, and that I will be present for that meeting. He told me the rest of his week was busy, but he'd call on Monday. Wow ...sorry ... just not getting ANY sincerity out of this guy, and until I do, I'm still gonna bitch about it! Seriously, who the HELL does he think he's dealing with?

UPDATE: Well, we went in for our "face-to-face" meeting, and while he apologized to Tori and to me ... he still refused to accept responsibility saying, "I can't for the life of me remember pulling her hood." I say "BS" ... he knew he was in trouble as SOON as he did it and just spent the rest of the time trying to figure out how to lie and cover up. It's over, we've moved on ... but I have no respect for him, and neither does Tori.